Posted by: Marisa | June 15, 2013

Potty Pants and Pee On The Floor.

We’re in the process of potty training the boys.

Actually, we were in the process of potty training them. I guess it’s safe to say that the article I found on Pinterest outlining how to potty train kids in three days was crap might not have been meant for a single mom (for the weekend) with twins boys who aren’t quite two. I followed it to the letter: got the potties, the snacks, and 9 pair of big boy underwear but I guess that’s irrelevant at this point.

The process is that you put the kids in underwear and every six seconds ask them if they are still dry while grabbing at their crotches to make sure they are, indeed, still dry. When your hand doesn’t leave their crotchal-region covered in fecal matter you clap and carry on like a Disney character on helium. The screeching, happy, holy-wow-you’re dry gig is pretty annoying…I know, I got to do it once.

Here’s the thing though. This hooker online didn’t tell me that my kids would be tinkling on the floor within seconds of putting on their Mr Potato Head panties. You don’t need all the graphic details but here’s what you do need to know: All nine pair of underwear were soaked through in less than thirty minutes, I ate all the snacks in a frantic I can’t handle all the piss on the floor anxiety attack, and the toilets went completely unused. That was weeks ago and we haven’t seen Mr. Potato Head or his panties since.

My new strategy for potty training the twins is to keep the bathroom door open and hope they train themselves while I’m not looking.

I actually think it’s working because the other day this guy came running down the hallway…

1 PantsL

…wearing someone else’s pants on his head.

2 pants L

And since it’s completely atypical for my children to be wearing any pants at all, let alone two pair, I had to investigate.

3 Pants L

It turns out they were in the mood for a little Potty Party which was loads of fun. It included reading about world events…

13 Pants L

picking out their lunch menu…

9 Pants L

strategizing about how they were going to get Uncle Mike out of their magazine…

8 Pants L

test driving various seating options…

5 Pants Land checking out their contributions to the loo…which were minimal since their diapers never actually came off their little butts.

7 Pants L

6 Pants L

All in all I’d say my non-strategy is working quite well.

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Responses

  1. Seriously, cracking up right now. I needed that. Thank you! …and good luck.

  2. Marisa,
    Once again you have filled my morning with laughter. This post is absolutely hysterical. You will be able to write a book when this phase is complete.
    Colleen

  3. I. Am speechless. And out of breath from laughing so hard. That dungarees hat/beret is priceless!

  4. Hahaha that potty party is amazing! Maybe they can have it with their diapers off, so if they miss it’s just in the bathroom, but if they make it then yay! UGH I am not looking forward to this part….!

  5. The boys are precious! I remember trying to train to potty and I will have to tell you that boys take for ever! Julie was a cinch. Give the boys a hug for me.


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