Posted by: Marisa | February 11, 2014

Bedroom Insanity of the Toddler Kind

A few months ago I met up with another twin mom for coffee which is fun because swapping twin stories makes me feel like my little hooligans aren’t as crazy as the singleton mom’s think they are. Unfortunately for me, this woman’s twins, Perfect Angel One and Perfect Angel Two, were the most annoyingly well behaved kids I’ve ever heard of. They were quiet, had never once drawn on the counters with permanent marker, and didn’t pile toys against their baby gate so they could pole vault over it. This coffee date wasn’t meeting my expectations but I was hanging in there until I asked how old her kids were when they learned how to break out of their cribs.

“Oh, they never broke out of their cribs” she replied. “We finally moved them into big boy beds when they were three and we said ‘stay in your beds until we come to get you in the morning’ and they did.”

At this point I threw my coffee all over her perfectly pressed shirt and stormed out.

Actually, I pulled one of those, ‘yea, mine too’ replies followed by an awkward I hate you laugh.

The truth is that Jack and Liam learned how to face dive out of their cribs when they were twenty months old and for the past seven months we’ve experienced absolute bedroom insanity.

It began on a night where we left the bedroom windows open just enough that a pair of anti-sleeping-toddler-beasts slipped in and invaded our children’s bodies. They sucked out the good littler sleepers we’d trained, set up shop, and began their mission to live a sleepless life. Their anger at being caged looked a little something like this.

B6

After getting one foot on the top of the crib the toddler-beast was able to slide his body over the top, transition into a monkey hang and end with a ten point dismount onto the floor. No one was hurt so I promptly placed this screaming disaster of a tired child back in bed, looked at the Hubs, and said, “That didn’t just happen”. He agreed and we ran out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind us.  Then we heard two thuds, stomping feet, and a pack of Wilda-beasts trying to break through the bedroom door while screaming “MmeeebllahhaHhaaaBBBBLLLAAHHHHH”.

The Hubs and I stood in the hallway frozen, denying the inevitable. We went into their room, put them back in their cribs and ran for our lives. Again, two thuds and a lot of banging. This went on for more rounds than I’d like to admit because there wasn’t a shot in hell we were getting rid of those cribs…until one of the wilda-children realized that their ability to land on their feet was hurting their cause. This time, when he knew I was watching, he walked backwards, took a running leap towards the side of the crib, vaulted himself over the edge, and slammed his face into the floor.

Enter a few choice words flying from my mouth, the white flag of defeat, a screwdriver, and a beer.

B7

As our children stood around laughing, dancing, and mocking us by having one last party in their cribs (seriously, look at that kid having a good ol’ time in his crib) we entered into the land of the Big Boy Bed.

Have you ever been to the land of the big boy bed? Because having two kids living cage-free means nothing is safe.

Not the diaper bin or the book shelf…

B5…the dirty diapers…

A8

…or the diaper cream.

B4

The clothes in the closet? Not safe.

A7

And the furniture? Don’t get me started on the furniture. Every morning for seven months the boys have completely rearranged the furniture in their bedroom. We had a house guest one weekend who sat on the couch listening to the banging, scraping, and bumping that was happening for almost an hour. When the Hubs and I asked him why he didn’t get the boys out of their room. He said, “I thought you were in there with them. How would I have known your kids were moving the furniture by themselves?” Touche my friend.

As hard as they try not to succumb,  eventually the boys fall asleep. Want to sleep in front of the door, blocking your other brother into the room? I’m okay with that.

B1

A9

Want to share a bed? Sounds good to me.

B3

Want to…

A3

…fall asleep on top of the changing table? I’m not sure that’s okay. Neither is this.

A5

Eventually, we smartened up and toddler proofed the room. We tied the closet doors and plantation blinds closed and took the diapers, bins, toys, books, changing table, end table, night light, and ottoman out of their room. The only things left in there are the glider and two beds…

Cribs Moved

…which they still insist on rearranging every morning.

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Responses

  1. As always, you’ve made my day!!! ‘Nuf said.

  2. OMG!!!!! LOL…

  3. This is one of the best! I’ve heard all about their escapades in the wee hours of the morning, but the pics and your eloquent words surely put everything in perspective. We will be down in a few weeks to experience all this fun!! We can’t wait. Love you all, Colleen and John

  4. We just laughcried through the whole post.

  5. Wow! I’m exhausted just thinking about it. You must have some real patience!


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