Posted by: Marisa | March 1, 2014

Butter-Face

Lets talk grocery carts for a second. See that bad boy down below? It’s your standard grocery cart that seats one child and you can find it everywhere. The problem is that I have two kids so this cart is worthless unless I’m okay with one kid playing smash the banana while sitting in the basket with my groceries.

Cart 2

I need a cart with two seats and four leg-holes, like this one, which at first glance looks just right.

Cart 3

Except this shopping cart has a red car stuck to the front…

Cart 4

…which makes it longer than I am tall and big enough to seat four kids – four. I don’t have four kids and I don’t want a cart big enough to hold that many. But those are my options so I pick this one, give the kids some snacks to fight over, and we’re off.

Cart 1
The more groceries I add to the basket the less I can see the back of their heads which is okay because the screaming and toddler limbs hanging out the sides of the car let me know they haven’t killed each other yet.

Most of the time when I’m tying my kids into place I use a five-point-harness because they can’t get out of it. These cars only have a lap belt which means that when the boys get really antsy they can play Harry Houdini on me and climb right out. When they get out life becomes awesome because pissed two year olds follow directions really well and chasing them through the aisles of the grocery store pushing this beast of a cart is just what I’d hoped for that day.

When I see the escape artists coming out to play I nervously check to see which of the remaining items on my list I can skip and which ones I absolutely must have in order to survive that week. Then, I try to buy a few more minutes by giving the boys some groceries to play with.

Ever since the Great Milk Incident of 2012 I’ve learned that it’s best to give them items they can’t bruise or destroy. Last week I gave Liam a bag of cheese and Jack a box of butter which did the trick and kept them really quiet.

As I was rolling the double-wide into the checkout lane the woman in front of us looked down at the boys and then immediately up at me. With an I’m trying not to smile smirk on her face she said, “Um, I’m not sure you want him…”

I put the stroller in reverse, sped out of the checkout lane, looked down at Jack and realized that he had ripped the box of butter open and …

Butter Bites…had gone to town.

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Responses

  1. Ewwwww!!! I have tried lots of different “treats” in my life, but butter au naturale never tempted me. Now, baking soda was another story…

  2. I’m sorry, but I just had to laugh.


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